Valentine’s Day. The controversy around whether or not Valentine’s Day is a “real holiday,” and how it “should be” celebrated continues. Some people are all about the hype, the gifts, the display of devotion, the romance, the sex, etc. There are an equal amount of people who believe it is a made up “holiday,” rooted in consumerism and societal brainwashing around how people in committed relationships show their love on February 14th every year. Regardless of your stance, the fact is that we as a society are inundated with advertisements, articles, blogs, social media posts, etc. around this day of red heart shaped boxes filled with chocolate, glasses of wine, sexy lingerie, and love. Question, what’s so bad about a day of celebrating love? Actually, nothing if we keep it all about the LOVE, and not just romantic love. This Valentine’s Day give yourself some self-love and for those of you who like challenges, how about a Universal-Love Gesture?
I have clients that are single and/or in relationships with people who do not celebrate Valentine’s Day and they share that they feel left out. Many people who are single are struggling with being quarantined and unable to date and are dreading this day that has historically represented romantic love.
How about you create a day of love that focuses on you being the love, sharing the love, and spreading the love?
The thought of existing as a loving being can be challenging if you are not feeling loved. Self-love is the answer (it usually is). How will you be showing yourself love this Valentine’s Day? I recognize that sometimes people have a mental and/or emotional block. They decide not to participate because they have an idea of what Valentine’s Day is “supposed” to be and the thought of making it an opportunity to show themselves love feels like admitting defeat. I challenge anyone with that thought to reframe it and feel empowered by the thought of making a choice to love themselves fully that day and show it in action. Yes, action! The action of love.
You can do this whether you are in a romantic relationship or not. I am sharing this concept because self-love is essential for loving others and gets to never be off our radar or saved for later. Self-love gets to be ever present and always practiced, not instead of loving others but rather, along with love of others. So even if you are in a relationship, you may want to consider spending a portion of your day, acknowledging and loving on yourself while putting some good ol’ positive energy out into the Universe.
The following are concrete ideas for how you can spend your Valentine’s Day 2021, however, these ideas of self-love can be practiced any day of the year!
INTIMATE SELF-LOVE VALENTINE’S DAY GESTURES
- Cook yourself a Meal from Scratch – Ask yourself, if the only way I could let someone know I love them was by making them a meal, what meal would I make for them? If the answer is their favorite meal, how about making yourself your favorite meal? Show yourself some love and make it just for yourself!
- Order a Meal from your Favorite Restaurant – Give yourself permission to be as indulgent or as simple as you would like. You can show yourself love by treating yourself to a meal, while also showing some love to a local restaurant, and tipping the delivery person generously for their service. You can take it one step further by leaving the restaurant an amazing review!
- Treat yourself to the Beverage of your Choice – Perhaps it is a cup of specialty tea, homemade lemonade, hot chocolate with marshmallows, a milkshake, a healthy smoothie with all your favorite fruit, a cocktail you usually go out to drink, a bottle of your favorite wine, or perhaps your preference is whisky? Whatever your pleasure, you may want to give yourself permission to enjoy it(in moderation of course).
- Bring Music Into the Equation to Enhance your Experience – Have a dance party all to yourself, create a playlist of songs that make you want to move and turn the volume up! If the music makes you smile, go for it! Feel good music is super uplifting and if you want to be in a more positive space, picking songs that evoke positive/light feelings can support you. Perhaps you prefer a more mellow experience? Consider songs that evoke feelings of calm and/or gratitude, such as instrumental jazz, gospel, Tibetan singing bowl, and/or classical music. Tip: If possible, create the playlist ahead of time to ensure you do not come across any music that may trigger negative emotions.
- Buy yourself a gift – Is receiving gifts a love language of yours? If it is, why not treat yourself to something you may have had your eye on for a while or make a spontaneous purchase? A new bath gel or candle? Perhaps a new electronic like a foot massager, speaker, diffuser, or anything that makes life easier or more enjoyable? Maybe a sexy little something that makes you feel beautiful, whatever makes you feel your best! Many people are into crystals now, do you have a collection or have any interest in starting one? If so, a rose quartz is a nice place to start as it represents unconditional love. You can treat yourself to an online meditation, yoga, or language class. Take some time, check in with yourself, what is it you would like to treat yourself to this Valentine’s Day?
- Physical Touch – Get to know your body. Currently, touch is not as accessible as it was pre-Covid-19/quarantine. In an October 2020, New York Times article, “What All That Touch Deprivation Is Doing to Us” by Maham Hasan he quotes Dr. Field of The Touch Institute who shares the concept/action of “moving the skin,” as a treatment for touch deprivation. Dr. Field provides a few different techniques, two of which are scalp massages and brushing your skin in the bath. If you are spending time by yourself on Valentine’s Day, you do not have to go without touch, you can embrace touch to the extent you are comfortable. Whether it is massaging your legs or feet while putting on lotion, or more sensual self-touch as you bathe, rest in your bed, or view yourself in the mirror, you get to choose the option/method you feel is a good fit for you. Who knows your body better than you do? So, if you would like to get to know your body more intimately, this can be the perfect day to do so. .
- Do Something YOU Love to do – What makes you smile? What do you love to do? Write? Sing? Paint? Workout? Meditate? Binge Netflix? Watch old sports footage? Paint your nails? Watch documentaries? Puzzles? Play video games? It is a day of love, give yourself permission to do what you love!
- Use your Words and Tell Yourself Something Sweet – Is your love language words of affirmation? It may be time to speak to yourself lovingly. Words do matter, in fact some believe that we manifest that which we speak and/or put energy into. When was the last time (if ever) you wrote someone a love letter? Writing a love letter to self can be one of the most empowering exercises you engage in. You can use prompts such as, I love you because…, I will show you love by…, what I find most lovable about you is…, I think the most beautiful quality you possess is…, etc. Another way you can use words is by creating an affirmation rooted in love. EXAMPLE AFFIRMATIONS: “Love is my beginning, middle, and end,” “All that truly exists is love,” “I am love, I am light, and I will exude both in all I do,” “I am beautiful everyday, I am beautiful in everyway.” “I am strong, I am divine, I am worthy, I am whole, I am love, I am you, because I am.”
UNIVERSAL-LOVE GESTURES THIS VALENTINE’S DAY
Make this a big deal. Challenge friends, family, and co-workers. You can put it in your social media feed and tell it to everyone who will listen. This Valentine’s Day, let’s all hold ourselves accountable for a Universal-Love Gesture…Donate Money and/or Volunteer Your Time. The great thing about volunteering is that you are giving to others and giving to yourself at the same time. There is no greater, more selfless and fulfilling gesture than to donate your time to a cause you believe in and that is helping others, nature, animals, the environment, etc. In a 2019 article, “Does the Warm Glow of Giving Ever Get Old? in Greater Good Magazine, Science based Insights for a Meaningful Life of Berkeley, by Elizabeth Hopper, experts share scientific evidence of how helping others/volunteering/donating provides more happiness than giving/doing things for ourselves, at least in the short term. What does this mean? Spread love this Valentine’s Day, it will feel good! Volunteering also supports social connection, so whether it is virtual due to quarantine or you are able to volunteer in person safely, it can expand your community. What can you do to help someone in need?
- Volunteer Your Time – Go out into the community. You can do so by hands on support with local charities, libraries, hospitals. If Covid-19 has you home and under quarantine, perhaps you can volunteer your time with a service you provide. You can make an organization have more recognition with your social media presence. You can offer a workshop/tutorial around something you are good at for a small fee or free. A cooking class, craft, do it yourself home project. Anything that is supportive and can help.
- Donate Money, Furniture, Clothing, Office Supplies, etc. – Donating feels good. Identify an organization and make a decision to take an action that will offer support. You can donate money or things your already have, especially if you have an abundance. How are you sharing? giving? showing up?
- Gifts/support for the Homeless– A friend of mine, SR, shared the idea of going outside and giving masks away to the homeless. You can also give food, warm tea, hats, scarves, or anything you feel comfortable with during these times.
- Treat Someone to Something – If you are going through a drive-thru, pay for the person behind you, just because. Sometimes when you do something kind it is contagious and people are inclined to pay it forward. You can treat a neighbor to lunch or a home cooked meal, the idea is to treat someone to something.
- Positive Feedback – Look up organizations you think are doing a great job and write to them to let them know you appreciate the impact they are having on the World. Expressing appreciation to individuals and organizations goes a long way. Sometimes words and acknowledgment matter to people more than you know.
Valentine’s Day with Children
- Family Dance Party – Gather everyone’s favorite songs and create a family playlist alternating every family members favorite songs ensuring that it is fun and fair for everyone.
- Family Meal with Everyone’s Favorite – Make a meal with everyone’s favorite included, even if they do not go together. You may be eating hotdogs and kale or fried chicken with eggplant! If not the main meal, maybe have everyone’s favorite dessert! If you have never cooked dinner together, how about many Chef’s in the kitchen? Make it fun!
- Family Movie Night – Pick a movie everyone agrees on, make some popcorn and spend the day loving and lounging.
- Family Volunteer Project (I personally LOVE this one) – Talk to the family about creating a love project. You can work together to create anything you like with the goal of giving back and being a good human! Pick a cause, educate one another, and find a way to support the cause. If you can find a documentary that provides more information, even better. Perhaps it’s a project where you are giving to the homeless with money or donating clothing, animal rescue organizations, local churches, etc. Ask your children, “Do you know anyone who needs help and how would you like to help them?” or “How do you think we can spread love this Valentine’s Day?” Let’s teach this generation how to be considerate and loving people. It all starts at home.
- Family “What I love About You” – Create an activity where everyone in the home shares, “What I love about you,” and why. Examples: I love that you are always telling jokes and the reason why is because sometimes when I am feeling down, your jokes make me laugh or I love that you ask me how my day was the reason why is because I like to know that you care and I get to share my experiences. You can also include extended family in this one. Do the rounds with family on Zoom, Facetime, Skype, etc. Whatever the virtual platform, have your love messages ready and invite other family members and friends to join. It is a fun, free, and uplifting activity that supports sending and receiving love.
Valentine’s Day – Couples
If you are in a romantic relationship, you can tweak some of the self and family suggestions to meet your needs. You can even do the Universal-love gesture together! There are so many wonderful blogs and articles with suggestions around things to do for/with your partner and I am hopeful that you are able to support your partner with feeling seen and special to you, not just on Valentine’s day, every single day you are fortunate enough to have a person that is trying to figure this all out with you. Good luck and have fun!
New Year’s Eve gives people an opportunity to reflect on the previous year and create goals for the year ahead. Let Valentine’s Day be the reminder to check in with yourself around how you are experiencing and spreading love.
We really do have the power to create a different experience of our lives and this world. I often hear people asking the Universe for things, praying to God, asking about why they are not getting the things that they want. We get to be the love we want to get. One love, really, truly.