Mixed Race in 2020: The Conversations Among Us! Perspectives of Six…

When you look in my eyes, when you stare at my face, when you hear me speak, can you tell I’m mixed race? Alone in a crowd, treated like I don’t fit in. Aren’t we in this together? Since we are all human.

Being mixed race/bi-racial/dual heritage and having one black parent at a time when people are more openly discussing diversity and inclusion, microaggressions in the workplace, unfair treatment in the justice system, systemic inequality, and an overall imbalance due to the color of one’s skin can be complicated. People of all races are coming together in society via peaceful protests, marches, and workplace town halls to fight back against current day injustice towards Black people from the Government, the police, the school systems, and places of employment. Yes, although being mixed raced in this climate can be complicated, it has also presented an opportunity for conversations to take place within the mixed race family unit that can shed years of ignorance, subtle/covert racism, and feelings of otherness.

If you are a mixed race human (I apologize if you find the term “mixed” to be offensive) with one Black parent and have a parent that presents as non-Black or White and has a different ethnicity, there are unique challenges that you may be facing at this time.

Currently, many who are mixed race with one Black parent are not getting as much support from their non-Black family (and sometimes their Black family) members who may not necessarily see them as “Black.”

In many mixed families conversations around race were avoided. Usually because parents did not realize it was a conversation that needed to happen. Family members will say that they do not “see race,” while others struggled with how to talk to their children about how having one Black parent might impact them. This is a time where more Black people and POC are speaking out and actively using their voices to create tangible and concrete change. Our history provides evidence that since the mid 1800’s, Black people have been fighting for freedom, just treatment, and equality. Although slavery ended in the 1800’s, the battle for just treatment and equality exists today. It has been a very long journey. Acknowledgment of the history and current day challenges via open and honest conversation with family members can be validating, affirming, and connecting.

Challenges of being mixed race: Some of the challenges clients share most often are, having family members who are racist (especially the ones that think they aren’t). The feeling of not being enough of either race to feel as though they belong. Rejection by one and sometimes both of their races. Feeling confused around how to show up in the world and/or feeling forced to pick a side. There are times when filling out a demographic questionnaire can be consumed with guilt ridden thoughts around having to check one box. One box? So which one do I chose today? Which parent do I side with today? Oftentimes people will alternate between races to keep themselves balanced internally and not experience the guilt of having sided with one part of themselves, which in turn feels as if you are rejecting the other part(s) of who you are.

Advantages of being mixed race: Where there are challenges, you can usually find some advantages. Some of the advantages (that may be considered privileges) of being mixed race that my clients share most often are; Being accepted in more places and spaces. Being considered neutral and safe. There is also the exposure to different races, the window in to different worlds and a comfort level that is not always available to non-mixed race individuals. One of the biggest advantages is being able to know from an early age that people can look different, speak different languages, and have entirely different cultural backgrounds and still get along and actually love one another.

Many children of mixed race parents grow up never feeling enough of one race to fully fit in. There can be what feels like a constant tug of war between what feels like two parts of who you are and for some, it can be easier to pick a side. What happens when the side you “pick” does not accept you? and does picking a side mean that you deny a part of who you are? What are the consequences? How do you reconcile this and find a way to embrace all of who you are, especially when there are people in the world and maybe in your home (maybe even you) that reject a part of who you are.

Growing up with a born and raised Puerto Rican mother, who presents white and a Black American father from Virginia seemed normal as a child. I did notice that my mother and I did not look alike. Why was my skin so much darker? Why was my hair so different? As a child you think your mother is the most beautiful woman in the world, but if you don’t look like her, what does that mean about you? Are you not as beautiful? Not to mention all of the people who made comments in ignorance that I did not understand as a child.

My parents met in NYC, have been married for 51 years, and have been incredibly supportive throughout my life. Growing up they told stories casually about how they experienced discrimination and racism while dating and made jokes about how people thought my mother was my nanny. My mother made comments about how we did not look alike and how my cousin looked like she should be her daughter because she had lighter skin (colorism absolutely exists in the Puerto Rican community) and long, straight hair. All things said in innocence, and all things that impacted the way I felt about myself and my place within my family unit. My mother also called me beautiful and smart however, the mixed messages led to inner conflict. Luckily, the constant has always been my father, who thought (and still believes) that I am absolutely creative, intelligent, and beautiful from head to toe. It is my father who taught me and my brother to embrace and love all parts of who we are every moment of every day.

During this current time of increased racial tension, there seems to continue to be a disconnect around the fact that I am intimately impacted by how the world sees humans with darker skin. Although there is not an expectation on my end that my mother will ever completely understand (how could she possibly), there is a responsibility I have to myself that compels me to share with her what my experience has been and continues to be. In sharing with both my parents I learned that they are eager to show up, they just did not know how to start the conversation and needed to be given the opportunity. So many of my clients are living similar experiences, able to discuss injustices in the world yet are struggling to discuss with family members how current events are impacting their sense of self and overall mental health.

Conversations are needed. Getting to know one another on a deeper level is the answer. Blame, anger, hurt and disappointment are feelings that deserve validation, however, in order to heal the wounds, accepting who you are and sharing how you feel by using your voice is the most empowering tool you have. Lead with your heart and the words will flow. The gift of your voice is a way to honor yourself and your unique experience.

THE INTIMATE PERSPECTIVES OF FIVE

Recently, my clients have been sharing how they are experiencing the current state of the world in regards to racism. I asked current and past clients who are mixed race with one Black parent to feel free to contribute to this article in hopes it might shed some light for others and five of them shared their perspectives. Each person, ranging in age from 22 years old to 45 years old used their voice vulnerably and courageously in support of themselves, mixed race individuals, and humanity as a whole. The intimate perspectives of five:

“Being with my white mother right now in the middle of a pandemic and now with the Black Lives Matter protests has been such a discombobulating experience for me. I have never been with my mom during a time of racial unrest (at least not that I can remember in my adult years), and I am finding it really hard to figure out how to talk to her about it. Reminding your white family members that you are black in this world, even as a mixed-race human, is hard at any time, but right now I am realizing that I don’t have the energy to educate. Between the pandemic and everything else happening in my life, I am having to prioritize self-care in order to stay sane, and self-care at this moment means not having hard, uncomfortable discussions with my white mom. I plan to talk about this time with her when I’m feeling more whole, but for now, I’m focusing on my mental health. When I need to talk about it, I reach out to my black community.” – NC

I was always unsure of how to identify growing up. I was unsure if I was black. How could I tell? Did my skin need to be darker? Did my Puerto Rican family mean that I wasn’t. But look at my cousins, they are “negro”. I was questioned often if I was really Puerto Rican. “Por que no hablas Español si eres puertorriqueña?” Somehow I felt like a fraud on both sides. Having these conversations today, in the midst of this movement, I’ve finally realized that I am 100% both, and so damn proud to be. My heritage, from every branch of my family tree is who I am, and my empathetic heart beats for each part. Right now, it’s beating in full support of all black lives. – KNV

I am Black and Japanese. I was born Brooklyn and I have spent the majority of my life here. My relationship with my Japanese culture is not as strong as I would like. From a young age I was very embarrassed of my Japanese mother because I looked nothing like her. I remember questioning her often about why we looked nothing alike. My mother was the type to just say things like “it doesn’t matter you are my daughter”. In hindsight I wish she was more supportive and put more effort into talking about our differences. Right now things are difficult because my mother has been turned a blind eye to the racial issues, and hasn’t been able to show up for me when there are racist acts against Black people in America. We recently had a talk and it was very difficult because of the language barrier. I know my mother truly believes in peace for all people, but it was important that she understood that it’s about Black people right now, and I am your Black daughter. But because of this language barrier it is difficult for me to say that without me catching all of the wrong and inappropriate things she might be saying in between. I often find myself reading between the lines with her, constantly filtering her words so that I don’t get attached to any words she may not even fully understand. I know that I have to keep trying with her because it is important that she is aware of the things her children are going through, and how she can show up for us in times like this. I do not expect her to know all the answers or be able to delete these feelings. But it is important for me to make sure that she knows about these things so that she can educate others too. Recently I have found a bunch of videos of people speaking on racial injustice and they have been translated in Japanese. This has been really helpful and my mother has been better at checking in on me when these things happenAB

Being a mixed-race (African American and Mexican American) man, makes me feel like I live in two different worlds. I was raised in a dual parent household, but only felt and experienced a connection to my mother’s side (African American). Due to pressures of social conformities, some individuals have felt overwhelmed by having to choose a particular side, however, such has not been the case for me. Growing up, I didn’t really feel accepted by my Mexican side therefore, I wholeheartedly and unapologetically connected and lived life through the lens of an African American. What has been difficult, is the awareness/knowledge of the plethora of  political, economical and social challenges that are faced by both African-Americans and Mexicans in this country.  As I grew older (which I feel is typical for some mixed race persons) I came to recognize and proudly felt the strength and honor of both my African and Mexican heritage. During these times of social unrest, I go through all of the emotional feels, voice my indignation, pause for moments of reflection but then I get back in the race because that’s what those before me have done...The work continues! Anthony G.

“I’m multiracial. My father is Black. My mother is mixed Indian and British, she was raised in India. The lineage of the oppressed and oppressor flow within my veins. At times it feels heavy, I am conflicted and feel lost. At other times, I feel so blessed to be part of such rich cultures and traditions. 
These last few weeks I have gone from heartbreak, to rage, back to
deep sadness & grief, returning to a rage that feels numb to feeling hopeful, for a moment. America and the whole world is reckoning with the legacy of systematic racism and murder of Black bodies and lives. 
What has given me hope and solace is my conversations with my mother. She is learning, understanding and finding ways to participate in this historical moment. She attended a vigil for Black lives, donated to many organizations; we’ve had conversations about racism within the South Asian community. Most importantly she has shown up for me as my mother, while also holding that she is limited in her experience of understanding, that she is not a Black woman and her daughter is. This has been healing. I feel my mother seeing me in my fullness and also protecting and supporting her daughter.
I am grateful.” – SE

I am hopeful that the contributions above are able to provide deeper insight, validation around a similar experience, and/or additional support. Each person alive has their own uniqueness based on their experiences. You get to embrace and honor yours!

TOOLS: JOURNAL PROMPTS, ACTION STEPS, RESOURCES AND AN AFFIRMATION

MIXED RACE INDIVIDUALS: Start with identifying what has come up for you around race throughout your life. Identify the messages you received from family, friends, and your community about who you are. If you ever felt like you had to pick a side, did you? Do you feel more connected to one race and if so, how come? Have you felt accepted and/or rejected by others? Have you accepted and embraced all parts of who you are? Have you identified the challenges you have encountered throughout your life because of being mixed race? Can you identify what privileges have been afforded to you? Are there still remnants of wounds that show up for you today and if so, what are they? what are you doing to heal? How are you impacted by the racial tension that currently exists and who do you turn to for support? Are there people in your family unit who have inadvertently or blatantly put down your other race? (which is putting down a part of you) and if so, are you ready for the conversation?

Some of the most hurtful and harmful comments come from family members and people who identify themselves as allies, understanding this and having an awareness that it happens can support you taking action by way of conversations to spread that awareness. The way you honor yourself most is by getting to know yourself and accepting all parts of who you are. Using your voice differently with family members can be scary and uncomfortable. You may be bought into the thought that it will not matter or make a difference or your fear may be that you will hurt a family members feelings. You get to validate family members AND show up for yourself. An unhealthy dynamic will not change if you reinforce it by continuing to show up as you always have. If you want it to change, use your voice, honor yourself, and make the decision to change it!

AFFIRMATION: I am enough because, I am. I am whole because I exist. I belong because I am living this human experience. I am a part of you, whether you accept me or not. I accept myself as whole, as beautiful, as enough, and in that acceptance, I am free.

INTERRACIAL COUPLES WITH CHILDREN: Begin the conversation early. Start discussion with your partner about your different cultures, traditions, and how race and racial tensions have impacted you. Share with one another your concerns as well as the challenges you believe your child may face. Get on the same page around how you are going to expose your child to all parts of their culture. Teach your child to see their own beauty and appreciate the beauty in both of their races, as well as other races and people. I have attached two children’s books to this post, which I am not personally affiliated with, that may support beginning the conversation. There are also quite a few other books on the market that you may feel would be a better fit for your family:

Remember that although you may not see race and color, the world around you often does, and having those conversations with your children early can make all the difference.

Who are your people? Where is your home? We are all part of the Universe, it is impossible to truly be alone. Always searching for belonging, we should not have to fight to fit in, because true belonging is inherent in being human.

9 Tools for Mental and Emotional Wellness in the Midst of Covid-19

What’s happening? I feel anxious. What do you mean I have to work from home indefinitely? Indefinitely sounds scary, I do not have room in my apartment to set up a workstation…I have a roommate who also has to work from home…now I am feeling more anxious. Remote work, remote therapy, remote dates? I can’t see my parents because they are over 60 and I might give it to them…I am on self imposed house arrest…I mean quarantine. Oh my God…could I have it, am I sick?!? The anxiety is taking over. There’s no more toilet paper? How? What? When? Why?…I can’t breathe, I think I’m having a panic attack!!!

Stop…Sit up straight, place your hands on your lap, take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. Continue…

Many of my clients are rattled, their world is changing. It feels abrupt and unfair. Many have shared that it feels like a movie, and one client, SB shared, “and we all know how that movie ends…”

What each of us is worried about during this very real and present day pandemic is different when we look at the content. I have the pleasure of working with clients from various socioeconomic groups throughout New York City and Westchester County, from television personalities to Broadway actors to teachers to artists to entrepreneurs to stay at home mom’s to Graduate students. Single and married. Everyone’s content is important to them. You have a right to be concerned about what matters to you. We can get lost in the content, we may question ourselves and our humanity when we think about the things that we and others are concerned about, yet none of us are in a position to judge what someone else deems important and is afraid of losing. If we focus on the content, it’s what makes us believe we are different. If we focus on the process and commonality around fear, we are all pretty much the same.

One thing we ALL have in common is that we fear the unknown, the fear of uncertainty. Our brains are not fans of uncertainty and will actively try to find the answer. Our society has become accustomed to having, knowing, forecasting, and predicting. Some argue that it is not fear of the unknown, but rather fear of losing the known that scares us.

What happens when we Google the answer only to receive conflicting information? What happens when the grocery store runs out of your newborns formula or you lose over $100k in the stock market? What happens when your children are home from school and you do not have childcare? What about hearing ourselves or our loved ones cough and wondering if we are actually getting sick? What happens? We get uncomfortable. We get scared. We get overwhelmed. We get mad. We cry. We have feelings and right now, we get to give ourselves permission to feel those feelings.

We feel various emotions from one moment to the next because we do not know what is lurking around the corner. It can actually feel like rapid cycling. We want to run and be in the act of doing, but right now we have to sit and wait until the indefinite becomes definite. We are being forced to sit in the unknown and that uncertainty is what drives anxiety. Things are changing around us and our brains are left to create stories and those stories are usually the worst case scenario, which then makes our feelings of anxiety that much worse. Anxiety weakens our immune system and finding healthy ways to cope can lead to better health.

We have to be intentional around validating yet facing our fears to ensure that although some of the fears may be warranted, they do not negatively impact us to the point where it becomes debilitating and is making us physically ill.

We are all one and no one is spared during a pandemic. There are many things out of our control right now, it is important to remember that there are some things that we can control.

YOU HAVE THE POWER OF YOUR MINDSET!

Change is not easy and right now things are different and they are changing. How you respond to these changes can make all the difference. All you can do, is ALL you can do, so identifying what you can “control” may help.

How’s your breathing going? Remember…Sit up straight, hands on your lap, take a deep breath in through your nose, slowly exhale through your mouth. Continue…

9 TOOLS TO SUPPORT MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL WELLNESS

  1. Make your space comfortable, try to surround yourself with things that make you feel safe and bring you joy. Engage in an at home activity that supports your mental health. Some examples would be, reading, writing (you can journal about this experience), catch up on some television shows, paint, cook, play board games with the kids, listen to music, clean your space. You can have deeper level conversations with loved ones. Being home provides an opportunity to stay put and catch up.
  2. If you live alone, consider having virtual dates. You can meet your friends, family, or significant other through a video platform and have a virtual meal date together. Technology can connect you with others throughout the day. If you are worried about someone you love, reach out to them and let them know how much you care. Being confined to your home can make you feel stir crazy and lonely, be sure to find time to connect with others, even if you are doing so remotely.
  3. Create and embrace a new routine (Working from home) Things will be different and you can make the choice to either feel defeated or use the opportunity as a chance to create something that works for you! Be intentional when you create your new/adjusted routine. Try with making your bed every morning, there is a ton of research about how the act of making the bed elevates mood. Structure is important, especially if you are new to working from home. Continue to have a set time for lunch and breaks. Ensure you have a hard stop time because working from home can make work/life challenging, so boundary setting is crucial. Setting up a work station/designated work area will increase productivity and support not allowing working from home to negatively impact your sanctuary. Most people transition from home to work via their commute. Keep in mind you will no longer have commute time, yet you still need to create an opportunity to transition. The transition can be changing clothing, making tea, shutting down the computer and lighting a candle, and/or doing what you would have done during your commute. Lastly, do not work on your bed. It can negatively impact sleep.
  4. Limit social media and news intake, shut off those notifications. You can pick a time of day to prepare and give yourself permission to find out the latest news. It is understandable that you may want to stay informed but when you are on constant Covid alert, you do not give your mind an opportunity to be present in the other things you are doing. You will stay in a constant heightened state of anxiety if you stay plugged in to the news all day. Pick a time, midday usually works nicely, to read about changes/breaking news of the day. Try not to look at news close to bedtime as it may negatively impact sleep.
  5. If you are home with your loved one, snuggle up. You can use this as a time to connect. You can watch movies, share a late night snack, work on intimacy.
  6. Reflect on the lessons this experience is teaching you. While learning about and living in the midst of Covid-19 is uncomfortable and even terrifying for some, with every change there are consequences, and some of them are actually positive. Ask yourself, “how can I make the best of this situation?” “What am I learning about myself and how I handle change and stress?”
  7. Reach out to a mental health care professional if you are feeling anxious and or depressed. Many therapists now offer tele-medicine for remote therapy. Ask your current therapist if they are able to convert to tele-medicine.
  8. Stay present and on task when engaging in daily activities. If your mind wanders and you have intrusive thoughts, bring yourself back to being present and fully immerse yourself in the activity. Creating a mantra to support keeping you grounded may help. Examples: “Let go,” (breathe in through your nose with “let”, breathe out through your mouth with “go”) or “I will stay calm and be here now” or “In this moment I choose trust,” etc.
  9. Meditate and/or practice yoga. Our society has been practicing meditation, yoga, breathwork, mindfulness and the art of staying present over the past few years. Many already have the tools, it is about accessing and practicing them. There are also apps that can support decreasing anxiety/bringing down your heart rate. If you have not downloaded them yet, consider getting the Headspace or Calm app which can support you with relaxation, sleep, meditation, and breathing.

Lastly, keep in mind that this crisis is not just about the individual, it is about the collective and even if you are not in a “risk” group, you may carry the virus to others. You probably know at least one person in the high risk group, your parents, grandparents, or friend/family member with a compromised immune system. This is an opportunity for individuals in our collective to come together to support the we. We are one dealing with this pandemic and where some are behaving as if it is every person for themselves, I am hopeful that there will be many more that take precaution not just for themselves, but for the others that are more vulnerable. This is presently an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to connect.

When new information comes in, as things continue to change and you are faced with uncertainty, try not to panic…acknowledge the fear, validate it, and use the techniques above to support you with moving through it. You get to decide where you want to put your energy. Yes, that is your choice. We can engage in spiraling thoughts around what we have no control over or we can remember to take it one day at a time, one moment at a time, and in this moment sit in appreciation for what we do have, and try to access trust. Be you, be resilient, be courageous, be safe, and be kind (to yourself and others)

If nothing else, remember to breathe…

How to Stay Physically Safe/Latest News:

If you are interested in obtaining information on how to stay physically safe I have attached a link to the CDC website that discusses the Coronavirus (COVID-19):

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/index.html

We have one world and we are all in this together. Stay well…

5 Ways to Protect Your Energy, Stay Hopeful, and Spread Love No Matter WHAT!

light within

If you look at me with hate in your heart, if you treat me like a burden, I will shine brighter than the brightest light of that you can be certain. For each hateful word, and mal-intended action directed outward, my love will grow so strong within that my light will counter all hatred. -TF

What can you do when you feel alone and you look around and the world feels like it is in chaos? When true connection with others is scarce because superficial relationships bred online are fed through “likes,” right swipes, and “follows.”

Thanks to the  news we have gruesome video and audio footage of the injustice in the world and it becomes increasingly difficult to keep from falling into a depressive and helpless state. Many would rather go off and be on an island alone than to face the current state of civilization. At a time when many are feeling lonely and detached, we are faced with the reality that, there is a lot of sadness and hatred in our present day America. So how do we stay positive when we are inundated with negativity throughout each day?

Many potential clients reach out sharing that their hearts hurt. They feel connected to the world and therefore feel the pain and heaviness of others. Some identify as HSP (highly sensitive people), others as Empath’s who can feel emotional and physical symptoms of others and of the world. In Judith Orloff’s book, The Empath’s Survival Guide, she shares tools on how Empath’s can protect their energy and use their empathic abilities to support others.

Other clients who are not necessarily bought into the the idea of people being Empaths, are also reporting feeling negatively impacted by the state of the world because it seems like there is one unfortunate event after another leaving them to experience symptoms of anxiety and/or depression. They are feeling as if the world is unsafe and unfair. They are searching for something to make them feel safe, give them hope, bring them happiness, and return their faith in humanity.

So what can we do? How do we stay strong? How do we ensure that we are protecting our individual light? We stay positive! I recognize it is not an easy task but the only way to counter darkness is with light. We have to counter the negative energy with positive energy. Inner light, despite our surroundings. A positive energy that can reside within you regardless of external factors.

light within 2

5 THINGS YOU CAN DO TODAY TO PROTECT YOUR ENERGY and SPREAD LOVE

  1. Do NOT internalize: Create a Positive Mantra. You do not get to take it personally. Recognize that we are a part of a collective, none of us stand alone. Rather than give into the hate, and retaliate/react with an equally hateful remark, remind yourself that it is not about you, it is about whoever is doing or saying something hurtful. You are not the one who was carrying hate in your heart, they are. You are responsible for your own energy. Create a mantra or statement that will help you stay grounded and remind you that you do not have to get sucked into someone else’s negative energy/bad mood. Examples of mantra’s are: “In this moment, I choose love,” “I am responsible for my own energy and I choose to stay positive,” or “I am love and light, no one has the power to suck me into their darkness”. You have a choice in that moment, to either keep your positive energy/light or to get sucked into someone else’s negativity. You get to decide.
  1. Be Altruistic. For every negative slur spewed, share something positive. Give what you can in your own unique way. It does not have to be on a grand scale (although it can be). The most important thing is to remember that you are light and you can help others. We all have the ability to spread love. Some examples are, taking someone else’s shift at work, donating clothing, starting a food drive, helping out an elderly neighbor. It can also be as simple as giving someone a compliment, saying thank you, holding a door open for someone, or smiling while giving eye contact to another person. It can be as grand as being a hands on active supporter of a cause you feel passionate about. As long as you are giving, sharing, and supporting from a place of love, you are sharing and spreading light.
  1. Be in Nature. Go for a walk barefoot in the grass (earthing), touch a tree, swim in a lake, sit on the sand, feed an animal, water a plant. Visit a park with various plant life and lakes (if you live in New York City, stroll through Central Park in Manhattan or visit the New York Botanical Garden in the Bronx). Nature is soothing, it will feed your soul. Allow yourself to embrace the beauty in the world, because beauty does exist in the world. Even though there are what feels like heartbreaking things happening in your personal life as well as the world around you, give yourself permission to experience the beauty. If you can not go into nature, take a cold shower or a warm bath and allow the water to cleanse your body and energy. Listen to calming springs, winds, rainfall on a sound machine or with a phone app, allow your mind to visualize the beauty you appreciate. You can bring nature into your home with a plant, a fish, fresh flowers, etc. What you consume can also connect you to nature, such as fresh fruits and vegetables, water and herbal tea. 
  1. Connect with others. Connection matters. In person, face to face, with touch, and laughter but beware of energy vampires (see the next step #5 regarding boundaries) who may dump negative energy on you. Rather seek out individuals who are uplifting and have a similar goal of wanting to spread and share in positive vibes. It matters. Instead of a text, invite a friend over, or meet for coffee, or my a personal favorite, pizza and wine. If you are struggling to get some of the people you know to meet up in person, meet new people! Find a Meetup! Either on Meetup.com or you can download the app to your phone and get started connecting with like minded people right now! Positive energy breeds positive energy and the more you put out, the more you will attract. If you can not meet in person, consider meeting online for a virtual date. The key is to have positive, connecting interactions.
  1. Create Healthy Boundaries You do this by being in tune with your body. Recognizing when an interaction is having a negative effect on you. Your body will send you signals, rapid heart beat, a knot in your stomach, tightness in your chest, a pain in the back of your neck, shortness of breath, a headache that comes out of nowhere. If you are interacting with others one on one, or in an environment such as a social setting, at work, or commuting and begin to feel drained, nervous, or uncomfortable, you get to create a healthy boundary. If you are on a phone call, make a decision to get off of the phone, if you are in an environment that can not be changed, visualize a protective shield or bubble that surrounds you and does not allow the energy of others to penetrate. If you have toxic people in your life, begin to limit contact with them. Pay attention to the signals your body gives you, it is constantly speaking to you and letting you know what it needs. Many of us have gotten comfortable with being uncomfortable, I encourage you to create a way to find comfort within, despite external factors.

blog bubble

There are enough things that will happen in your life that you will not have control over. The two things that we do have control over, are our energy and our reactions. We ultimately get to decide if we will keep our energy and our reactions positive.

This blog was written with an intent to instill hope, and as a reminder that when we experience hate in our lives, rather than falling into the deep abyss of depression, or retaliating with an action rooted in hate, we get to pull from our inner light, from a place of trust, and overpower the hate with love. Remember, hate breeds hate, love conquers it!

light within

“Hate is not conquered by hate; hate is conquered by love. This is a law eternal.” -Buddha

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King Jr. 

“It is better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Light up the darkness” – Bob Marley